The 27 of 2017: Part 4
After Footie, I'm not sure why I convinced myself to continue exploring online dating. I also don't know how I didn't learn from the first lesson - always meet someone in public first. Welcome to the short and sweet of number two.
Jake and I texted and snapchatted for about three weeks before actually meeting up. I saw much more than I bargained for and I was completely intrigued. Give me a bulge in neon yellow boxer briefs after two months of no sex, well apart from the foot job but that doesn't count, and you get an in. There are a lot of images of bulges stuck in my memory.
I felt completely off balance and attached to Jake. I used him as a crutch to fill those empty nights when Jordan would, without fail, message me at 10pm or the times when Kieran would spontaneously message me as the sun was rising. I lost that attention and companionship from two people that had been the closest to me for a long time. It made me cling on to anything.
He brought over a few Xbox games and we sat down to play but it is never just about the video games. And as I sat there on the couch, his tongue down my throat, one hand on my leg, and another grabbing my breast, while my hands remained clutched to the Xbox controller, the only thing I could think of was how much I used to want Jordan to give me this sort of attention.
My mind darted between Jordan, Kieran, and back to Jordan again. All I wanted was for it to end. I pulled back and told him to stop. He was very kind and respectful and after closing the door when he left, I never saw him again. I still have his games which he insisted I keep. I should really give those back.
After number two, I took some time for myself. I focused on my internship and school and used tinder for the compliments rather than the dates. Sometimes we need that confidence boost without any of the commitment. That's all I really needed for a while; a nice distraction from the loneliness that, without fail, followed me.